Grace Limits
On August 31st, 2020, I hit my grace limit. Humans are not like systems, and one of these days I might learn to accept it, maybe even embrace it.
My existence like Salesforce storage. Its usage found deep in setup and 100% maximum unknowingly exceeded. Total allotment determined by a series of approximate calculations that may vary based on records and data types. If I was a data record my 2 Kilobyte size might be easier to manage if it were based on a specified boundary. But, I’m more like an app. A custom-designed system operating in a multitenant environment that is my life and all the areas segregated into Record Types. Order of operations ignored and automation are not as well defined as they should be -- desperately in need of off-platform data stores. Callouts have run a mock. Exception handling never written into a now deprecated method. An endless loop triggered by an exception event.
I now question my job, my title, and who I work for. I am the boss, but everything I thought I knew about my reasons for doing what I do are in conflict with one another. I ask myself “if you died of Covid tomorrow, is this how you want to spend your final days?” The question looms daily, it has for months and there’s no denying it. I hear Freebird with a stinging sense of irony as I remember the foolishness of my 20’s, riding on motorcycles without a helmet. Now I keep masks in my wallet, purse, and glove compartment. Hand sanitizer at the ready, a little gatekeeper at every entrance to the house.
Typical days now include actively seeking comfort. Most of the time that means food, varied throughout the pandemic. One that has enjoyed an enthusiastic return, beans. Refritos, borrachos, enteros, de la olla, or vegan. Black, red, white, or our all-time favorite pintos. Early in the pandemic we’d start the day with huevos con tortilla guisado but have now settled on hard-boiled. The occasional omelet on the weekend or con papas y chorizo for dinner.
Work has started to feel like work. All the things I love about doing what I do are at odds with my focus. Which makes the best part of my day seem too short, yet never-ending. Everything is running at -10x, like El Paso’s mañana-net sending the bits traveling by llanta down El Rio.
Covid has fundamentally altered my view of everything. My family whom I love fiercely was always a matter-of-fact part of life. Now I am embracing them holding on for dear life. Lest the Chuco-insanity strikes again. It’s changed how I arrange my day and which work is the most meaningful because now how I spend my day is front and center for those dearest to me.
The novelty of online gatherings has worn thin. I spend my days on camera, in meetings, and on the phone. Staying connected with everyone else makes la vida loca!
